"I am happy on the outside, but inside something gnaws at me; some presentiment, anxiety, dreams – or sleeplessness, – melancholy, indifference, – desire for life, and the next instant, desire for death: some kind of sweet peace, some kind of numbness, absent-mindedness; and sometimes definite memories worry me. My mind is sour, bitter, salt; some hideous jumble of feelings shakes me! I am stupider than ever." - Frederic Chopin.
“It is as if my life were magically run by two electric currents: joyous positive and despairing negative--whichever is running at the moment dominates my life, floods it.” Sylvia Plath.
“They called me mad, and I called them mad, and damn them, they outvoted me.”
"Thinking is difficult, that's why most people judge." - Carl Gustav Jung
One particularly ridiculous subset of this, however, is the tendency to try to steer people away from mental illness (as though it were a choice) by telling them the ways in which they are making or will make themselves physically sick (as though it’s the only kind of sickness that really matters).
The implicit assumption these sentiments come from is that a person with a mental illness is hurting themselves for the sake of sustaining their mental illness, rather than the truth — which is that mental illnesses hurt people because they are illnesses. Illnesses are illnesses, not choices.
The physical aspects of my conditions are part and parcel of being sick, and I sometimes get particularly scared. Often I think we with mental illnesses already feel guilty enough, and we are not responsible for our own suffering. Beth Booth.
Some are “nice guys”, a term they hate. Innocent angel-like 'good as gold' persona which builds them a credible reputation yet they fail to reach their true potential due to their own self-doubt. Being “safe” and “secure” may be important. They’ll go out of their way to help others and may have a “knight in shining armour” complex and find themselves continually drawn to women who need rescuing.
Ultimately, since no one can actually “rescue” anyone else, the needy women will most likely use them and then dump them (and the cycle of feeling like a failure continues.) He fears them. He will choose a woman that has low or no self-esteem. He does this to preserve his fragile sense of importance.
But, either way, he will miss out on forming an intimate bond with his mate and live out his life in emotional isolation and deep loneliness. Zombified and gradually lose all interests in their hobbies and decide to do nothing with their lives. No matter what sacrifice you make or how many times you turn yourself inside out and relinquish the sanctity of your life, you cannot change a people who drain you. What you can do is begin to recognize your own value as an individual, to heal and move forward to lead the life that you deserve----filled with insight, creativity, compassion, joy and inner peace.
This piece is a helping hand, my and other ppl's collection, to help oneself after that nervous breakdown. I, having been one member of this group, want to share my findings (solutions that I found on my own). I think, I understand the challenges face by abusers/bullies & helpless victims; people who growing up desperately wanted to be normal; people with learning problems such as memorize facts, dropping words, spellings & grammar difficulties, maths and sports; organizational difficulties; people who are awkward and have dysfunctional behaviour etc...
Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in. I didn't invent my severe anxiety illness like people don't invent their bad health. Many suffer from constant fatigue that is not relieved by rest and sleep. Bit no one really cares one way or another, unless you ruin the morning announcements with a suicide.
We know so little about consciousness and will probably never fully understand it. Because psyche constitutes our identity, a problem with it seems to strike at the very core of what we think we are.
Some signs are : You may also notice that normal tasks seem hard to focus on, you are more forgetful, you forget things that you normally wouldn't, or you have difficulty forming thoughts or carrying on conversations.
Persistent anxiety can be rooted from real (e.g. dog-bites) or unconscious fear even if there is no danger. When anxiety occurs, unconsciously, the mind keeps working without resting and defence mechanisms are automatically triggered (directly builds up hostility and aggressiveness behaviour). When you cannot flee or flight, one may just freeze, feel dizziness and have sleep issues. Empathy, understanding, acceptance, and unconditional positive regard are all necessary but not sufficient.
When you are surviving your life, each small step that seems to come so easily to most human beings feel like the hardest task you have ever had to do. At every step there are multiple thoughts of why I should just retreat back to isolation where I feel safest and forget about making any attempts. Everything is no joy, no ease and no hope. Heaviness on my heart, heaviness in my head, a black and dark sadness in my eyes and soul. The self-hate, the doom, the hopelessness feels all too familiar, and that is not a good thing because it makes me realize my quality of life is really not that great.
Many of our current issues, have its roots hidden in our early childhood. One way to resolve deep resentments, bubbling under the surface, since the time you are 4 years to 7 years old, is to by going through this process. You have to close your eyes and imagine that your child self was on the other side of an imaginary door. Then you have open the door and walk to meet your child self. Then you have to try to talk to your child self with love. First time I tried, I failed to talk to my child self. Then I came back home and slept on it. I then started thinking why this simple task was so difficult for me.
We generally forget that there is a valuable, worthy human being behind the inappropriate behavior. When we are focused on only treating behavior, we may be quick to dole out punishments or use shaming tactics to gain compliance. Shame has long been wielded as a powerful tool to modify a child’s behavior. When made to feel unworthy, children will usually try harder to please their parents, giving the illusion that it’s “working,” but those feelings of worthlessness cause deep scars which can take a lifetime to heal. Children who are compared with other children because they didn't get good marks in school sometimes grow up feeling that they are “fooling people” and express fear that they’ll be “found out” when they enjoy success in the world. The devil on their shoulders convincing them that they don't measure up. The maternal voice in their head will continue to undermine them, telling them that they aren't — smart, beautiful, kind, loving, worthy. Shame causes people to withdraw from relationships, to become isolated, and they compensate for deep feelings of shame with attitudes of superiority, bullying, self-deprecation, or obsessive perfectionism. When shame has been severe, it can contribute to mental illness.
Children who live in houses, where they see parents verbally abusing each other because of money feel scared and need reassurance. Children who were made to feel unlovable can carry that pain throughout their lives, and into every relationship. They are armored and detached, perhaps defensively or they become “pleasers” in adult relationships, not being able to say ‘no’ wanting a relationship so intense that the other person backs off. Alas, both types aren’t able to get the kind of emotional connection. They are afraid of intimacy on all levels; they are intensely vulnerable, and tend to be clingy and dependent. They oversensitive (about things real and imagined), overthinking everything and make avoidance the default position.
I realised I had not thought about my childhood days for a long time. Now I was forced to go back to remember how much I hated those days as a child. So, next time when I tried I was able to connect and talk to my child self in a sincere and friendly way; and that pain and anger was still inside me. After that my head felt lighter and I was able to do regular things again. I understood her therapy was working. She explained why my depression and anxiety come to the surface and I can learn to overcome it by giving attention to root cause. I had a choice of either not learning and repeating this pattern, which will only get worse or I can slowly overcome it in time if you understand and learn to keep myself healthy.
I have to now practice how to be child-like open and curious so that I can progress in personal and professional life, but also when to not get affected by negativity by being a good protective parent. To do that I have to regularly built the habit of checking and approving my own feelings with love in order to strengthen my self-esteem. I’ve also learned that how we react to events is far more important than what actually happens to us. It can be difficult not to become overwhelmed by negativity that fuel intense feelings of regret, anxiety, fear, despair, and anger. It isn’t the emotions themselves causing me to suffer—it’s my own judgment of those emotions. Many years I have given too much power to my protective conscious mind, which has become too loud. I have to encourage to increase my subconscious inner voice and listen to what my subconscious inner voice is saying.
There comes a time when, one by one, all your friends leave and go on to build their own family in different places. Without a support base of family or friends, the stress got the better of me. Slowly, you are only busy with work and there are no longer any friends around. Depression leads to uncontrollable anxiety, insecurity, lack of confidence and procrastination. This energy, life-sucking condition has its stronghold on people like us.
- You have everything you need to get better. This sounds well intentioned, but to me it sounded like an indictment against me for not trying hard enough. It’s no doubt hard to watch someone who’s smart and capable unable to work. But telling a person who’s already struggling that they're lazy, just making excuses or aren't trying hard enough can be incredibly hurtful. It implied that I was staying sick on purpose, and that I had no interest in pursuing health, not to mention that I was too lazy or disinterested to do what I needed to do to get better.
- Just pray, because saying they lack sufficient faith adds insult to injury.
- Snap out of it. Everyone experiences a range of emotions. For instance, everyone feels sad occasionally. But sadness on some days isn't the same as “a hopeless pit of despair where it’s so dark I’ve forgotten what light looks like”
- Stop focusing on the bad stuff, and just start living. Why is this so problematic? It can make a person feel even worse about themselves. “[T]hey figure the fact that they can’t do it is, in their mind, just one more sign of their failure.”
- While a change in perspective can be helpful, it doesn't cure a condition, let alone someone debilitated by an exhausting mental illness.
- Get busy, and distract yourself. Because ignoring the issue doesn't make it go away.
- Emotionally connect while eating together
- Do not compare him with others
- Don't have parental conflict in front of your children
- Its mother's job, to tell him to trust his good traits because there are enough people in the world who will tell him what is wrong with him.
- It is very important to teach your sensitive son about how to handle his emotions
- Honouring and allow people the space to find their own way (suppressing it only makes matters worse)
- Keeping up your personal growth work (have the courage to become the person you've always wanted to be)
- Identify where you are not being truthful in your life (No 'Little White Lies' & Make a distinction between the problem and the person)
- Understand and smile at the failure. Being grateful.
- Get the Real Power Back and Fly more Positively than ever before.
How Self-Esteem is Damaged: Some parents inadvertently diminish their children’s self-esteem by interfering with or belittling their signals for interest and enjoyment. This triggers the automatic, built-in response of shame, and shame erodes self-esteem.
Often its both the parents and children have a variety of troubles related to a poor sense of self and self-esteem. The adults in these families often don’t understand how feelings and emotions work. The family ends up in a toxic situation because there is a mismatch between the child’s expression of emotional needs and the parent’s ability to respond appropriately. Often, then, the children fail to develop a solid sense of self—who they are, what they like and don’t like, a confidence in their perceptions and feelings, and so on. The resulting tension that develops between parent and child can contribute to the erosion of his self-esteem. The child may become angry, defensive, intolerant, and inflexible, or withdrawn, self-destructive, envious, and fearful. In fact, a whole variety of the less pleasing personality traits can be directly attributed to a person’s lack of belief in his own essential worth. Think bully. Think timid. Think depressed, depleted, and drained. These different qualities result, in part, from a lack of self-esteem.
When a baby cries, or fusses, or coos, she expects you to react with as much enthusiasm or distress as she does about what is happening to her. What parents sometimes forget is that to babies those reactions of distress are proportional to the situation. Not being able to get a hold of a ball that rolled into a corner is terrible! And your baby wants you to pay attention to him when he announces it in no uncertain terms. He finds himself incapable of righting the situation himself—no matter what he does, he’ll never be able to reach the ball. Talk about frustration! So he asks for your help in the only way he can—by making a scene. If that doesn’t elicit your sympathy and attention, if you don’t respond and help your baby out of his distress, he will begin to think that his problems don’t really matter, how he feels doesn’t count. Instead, if you take the opportunity to pay attention, validating and confirming his feelings and perceptions, you will help your child become confident.
Provide Reward and Praise: Along with paying attention, reward and praise from you are essential to child’s self-esteem. You must never forget how much your child wants to be like you and to be liked by you. Kids need to hear that you approve of them and think they are wonderful. They long to see the “gleam in your eye” that signals love and approval. You can’t assume they know how you feel. They don’t. They need to be told, over and over and over. In the long run, reward and praise tend to be better and healthier motivators than fear and shame. Of course, whenever you’re dealing with behavior, it is also important to explain to the child the pros and cons, the reasons and rationales, for whatever issue is at stake.
Offer Protection: If a child perceives the world as threatening or dangerous, it is almost impossible for her to feel brave and strong, to know that she can make her way through it successfully. But when you respond to your child’s negative signals of distress and anger by allowing expression of the signals and then removing the triggers, you have begun to give her the tools to deal with the world. When it comes to feeling confident, nothing helps a helpless baby like knowing she can depend on you to shield her from danger and distress.