"In 1957, the BBC ran a story about how spaghetti was growing on trees in Switzerland. So many people believed the hoax that the BBC was flooded with calls from people asking how to plant their own spaghetti tree."
'Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed: everything else is public relations.' George Orwell
"Black PR firms provide clients with both post deletion of negative news stories, and some also provide hit pieces attacking competitors." Ads about products and services may be disguised to look and sound like a news story.
This morally objectionable playbook has been used by other industries seeking to avoid necessary regulations. A well-financed group invents lies and convinces a substantial share of the public that those lies are true. The propaganda purveyors recognize that the media’s instinct to cover “both sides” of an issue, people’s tendency to believe claims that conveniently fit their ideology, and, more recently, social media’s propensity to spread falsehoods all create a fundamental weakness in our civil society. They have financial incentives to obscure those realities, and they do not care what they destroy in the process.
The sugar industry, for instance, has promoted research designed to distract from the health effects of its products. Its Sugar Research Foundation provided funding to Harvard scientists to counter claims that sugar causes heart disease, despite the overwhelming evidence. In defense of their products, sugar lobbyists have also attacked other sweeteners, most recently high-fructose corn syrup. The Washington Post reported on an April 2004 memo from the Sugar Association bragging that it had “fed the media with the science to help fuel the public concern and debate on High Fructose Corn Syrup.” On the other side, those with a financial interest in the use of high-fructose corn syrup waged their own campaign, even hiring sex therapist Dr. Ruth to star in an ad in which she counsels a man in a giant corn costume, telling him that “corn sugar” was a “great name” because he was a sugar made from “good American corn” and should “be proud.”
63 years ago, as the scientific community neared consensus that tobacco products were dangerous, titans of the tobacco industry came together to meet with John Hill at the Plaza Hotel in New York. This was a rare gathering, as these executives were fighting one another for market share in an immensely competitive business.
Hill, the founder of PR conglomerate Hill & Knowlton, recommended that they form a public relations operation, thinly veiled as a scientific institute, to argue that their products were safe. Together, the tobacco executives and Hill created the Tobacco Industry Research Committee, a sham organization designed to spread corporate propaganda to mislead the media, policymakers and the public at large.
Their goal was not to convince the majority of Americans that cigarettes did not cause cancer. Instead, they sought to muddy the waters and create a second truth. One truth would emanate from the bulk of the scientific community; the other, from a cadre of people primarily in the employment of the tobacco industry.
In 1994, the chief executives of the seven largest tobacco companies told Congress under oath that they did not believe their products were addictive; more than 20 years later, they have yet to face penalties for their apparent perjury.
In the 1970s, scientists at Exxon (now ExxonMobil) knew that their products were changing the climate, but the company nonetheless funded think tanks and organizations dedicated to denying the existence of global warming, such as the Heartland Institute and the Competitive Enterprise Institute.
When lies repeatedly affect the same segments of the population (and no group is immune), those absorbing this toxicity become distrustful of facts from reputable sources while latching onto even the most far-fetched conspiracy theories that conform to their worldviews. To believe in a lie, it must be terrifying.
Gaslighting (a form of psychological warfare wherein you manipulate a person into questioning their own sanity): The final key to the way I promote is bravado. I play to people’s fantasies. I call it truthful hyperbole... — a very effective form of promotion. Ronald Reagan is another example. He is so smooth and so effective a performer that he completely won over the American people. Only now, nearly seven years later, are people beginning to question whether there's anything beneath that smile.
One thing I’ve learned about the press is they’re always hungry for a good story. It’s in the nature of the job, and I understand that. Most reporters, I find, have very little interest in exploring the substance of a detailed proposal for a development. They look instead for the sensational angle. That may have worked to my advantage. Donald J Trump (1987)
"If that's the story line that is being put out there by whatever party is out of power, then when a foreign government introduces that same argument, with facts that are made up, voters who have been listening to that stuff for years, who have been getting that stuff every day from talk radio or other venues, they are going to believe it." Obama said at the annual end-of-the-year press conference in the White House.
"If fake news that is being released by some foreign government is almost identical to reports that are being issued through partisan news venues, then it's not surprising that that foreign propaganda will have a greater effect". The president said he did not think it was "far-fetched" to compare some of the so-called fake news items to "the other stuff that folks are hearing from domestic propagandists." Obama said that certain media outlets in the US had portrayed government as a place where "everybody is corrupt, and everybody is doing things for partisan reasons, and all of our institutions are full of benevolent actors.
When it comes to satire and opinion, the lines between fact and fiction are sometimes blurry. "One of the essential distinctions between satire and mockery is that the comedy of satire has a point and it has a style. The point is to encourage critical thinking and to motivate the audience to challenge the status quo." Jon Stewart.
"The word “media” comes from “intermediate” between newsmakers and the public." Exhaustively researched journalism – presented by legitimate news outlets; fact-checked until it was true in the face, and in the heart; run through legal, after attempts made to reach all sides for comment, all at great cost – drew far less attention than hastily hoisted screeds of pure fright and fancy typed up, often enough, by some entrepreneurial teens in the former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. There's an old saying about newspapers: They aren't delivering news to readers, but readers to advertisers. BuzzFeed and The Guardian reported that the Macedonian town of Veles, boasting a population of 45,000, is the cradle of at least 140 American-politics websites. Working overwhelmingly for click-earned ad money, not love of Donald Trump, the youth of Veles offered up thousands of invented, mostly anti-Hillary Clinton stories (there just wasn’t much of a market for anti-Trump stories, they found) under eye-catching headlines.
There is a bias built into the way journalists pick and cover stories. Certain subjects are routinely covered or ignored. The job of journalists is not to stamp out bias. Rather, the journalist should learn how to manage it. A competent journalist is conscious of the biases at play in a given story and is able to decide what maybe appropriate or inappropriate.
Reporting bias: the tendency to systematically under- or over-report certain types of events — shapes our understanding of war. While the media in democracies typically are relatively independent from government influence, they have their own institutional biases — such as “newsworthiness” criteria that emphasize novelty, conflict, proximity, and drama. The implication is that living in a democratic state with a free press does not ensure that a media consumer will receive unfiltered information about who is doing what to whom, even during high-visibility events.
Market-oriented bias: This can be a pressure to produce stories that target market segments with desirable demographics for advertisers.
Irresponsible journalism: Each news outlet has its own approach to reporting on what’s happening in the world. While no media outlet is completely objective, some don’t even try to be. For example, Fox News tailor their news to right-leaning audiences. Cable TV, so important to Trump’s rise, seems torn between two personalities: one driven by ratings and profit, the other by its responsibility to inform the public.
Trusted news outlets sometimes spread false information. Sources may lie to reporters. Journalists can fall victim to pranks or hackers. Laziness and deadline pressures can cause mistakes. Unethical scribes have exaggerated or concocted news on many occasions. Advertisements about products and services may be disguised to look and sound like a news story. E.g. The Washington Post once won a Pulitzer Prize for a story that was later exposed as fabricated.
As long as Facebook optimises for engagement, legitimate news websites have little reason to be balanced. If Facebook abandons its stance as a 'neutral technology platform' it risks reinforcing the very conspiracy theories it is attempting to dismantle. If Facebook were to appoint themselves as official arbiters of the truth, the move would act as proof for many that big business and the media go hand in hand, legitimising a further retreat into partisan ideological bubbles as paranoia about the ‘mainstream media’ grows even stronger.
“The system is geared as much to amuse and divert as it is to inform, and it responds inadequately when suddenly called upon to explain something…complex and menacing.”
News often has a dual identity, an external facade and an internal reality, much like the Japanese duality of tatemae (appearance) and honne (reality). The two stories, or realities, are often wildly at odds with each other. Whether in developed, developing or underdeveloped countries, it is a known fact that broadcast news channels playing high drama (complete with protagonists and antagonists) and sensational content, rather than what is important, in order to grab eyeballs which makes them look like tabloid channels. The media often portray non-issues as real issues, while the real issues are sidelined. Perhaps the most serious consequence of journalists’ focus on crises and conflicts is that both they and the public become blind to systemic issues.
When competition increases and survival becomes an issue, editorial and ethical standards take a beating. It fails to do what it claims to do, what it should do, and what society expects it to do. The rise of television has increased the demand for drama in news, and the explosion in lobbyists and special-interest groups has expanded the number of actors and the range of conflicts. Most news channels are still bleeding at the bottom line, no matter their top line. Other sub-genres which get importance include sports, crime/law and order, entertainment, social and mishap/failure of machinery.
Personalities are more compelling than institutions, facts are often uncertain, attention spans (and television sound bites) are brief, and simplification—often oversimplification—is the norm. Todays Pulitzer’s journalists need crises to dramatize news, and government officials need to appear to be responding to crises. Too often, the crises are not really crises but joint fabrications. The news media and the government have created a charade that serves their own interests but misleads the public. Officials oblige the media’s need for drama by fabricating crises and stage-managing their responses, thereby enhancing their own prestige and power. What has emerged is a culture of lying. In such an environment, the actors who most skillfully create and manipulate crises determine the direction of change.
The rapid advance of information age technology—hundreds of cable television channels, the growth of specialized media, the spread of computer information resources—is certain to give citizens access to far more diverse sources of information and is likely to force the media to reinvent the ways in which they present news and other information. But none of those changes are likely to alter the persistent conundrum. A press driven by drama and crises creates a government driven by response to crises.
Saying “all journalists are lazy” or that they violate people's rights to dignity may sound sexy but it is like looking at a pin up of your favourite sex icon – titillating but broadly pointless and probably offensive. Such statements are often used to support equally poor ideas like “we cannot ever limit media freedom” or ”let's licence journalists” as if somehow either of these will solve the problem. Neither of these options are sustainable and in fact all they do is deflect from the bigger issues.
In a democracy we should first try the first method to rectify the defects through the democratic method. The architect of the transformation was not a political leader or a constitutional convention but Joseph Pulitzer, who in 1883 bought the sleepy New York World and in 20 years made it the country’s largest newspaper. Pulitzer accomplished that by bringing drama to news—by turning news articles into stories with a plot, actors in conflict, and colorful details. Pulitzer made stories dramatic by adding blaring headlines, big pictures, and eye-catching graphics. His journalism took events out of their dry, institutional contexts and made them emotional rather than rational, immediate rather than considered, and sensational rather than informative.
The press became a stage on which the actions of government were a series of dramas. Business has become a prominent player in the manipulation of perception and in the corruption of the public policy process. Every story about research should identify the sponsor and describe its interest in the outcome or impact of the research. And the media should stop producing information that serves only to feed their own interests. The press should cover crises and disasters less and political, social, and economic events more: less politics, more substance; less on personalities, more on institutions. That is quixotic and will never happen. It would be a return to pre-Pulitzer journalism. The media’s desire to attract an audience and the audience’s inability to concentrate for long would make such a format impossible.
In May of 1918, Wilson was successful in getting the Sedition Act passed as an amendment to the Espionage Act. It became a crime to "utter, print, write, or publish any disloyal, profane...or abusive language" about the United States government or to disagree with its actions abroad. The act was repealed in 1921.
Ancient leaders understood propaganda and spin. Julius Caesar and Alexander the Great controlled what version of events was distributed as official, or even unofficial, news. And in ancient Egypt, where a permanent record of government achievements was painted or carved into the walls of government structures, archeologists have only recently discovered that many of those official records were subject to a lot of spin. Many of those ancient records, it turned out, were lies, told in order to influence public opinion. 2000 years ago the ancient Romans saw schools of rhetoric and oratory as the best place to send bright young men with potential to be leaders. There schools taught the use of rhetoric, logic and persuasion to make a point and convince people. Public speaking (or dictating speeches to a scribe) were the way you got your persuasive ideas into circulation. Some of the techniques those students used are still studied and many of these ancient methods evolved and mutated into modern propaganda and media spin. The schools at Rhodes were, for well-off ancient Romans, sort of a university education because these institutions were, for centuries, excellent at teaching rhetoric and oratory.
"Information Warfare: The Power Of Misdirection And Confusion:
Humans have always had an insatiable hunger for bullshit and fairy tales, from folk tales told around the fire to small-town gossip, to Bigfoot-bedecked tabloids in the checkout line. It reflect and reinforce our prejudices, and they give us sweet dreams. In an epic battle sparked by the U.S. election and fought on the vast planes of social media, news stories – stories powered in the main by researched truth – were pitted against fake stories, and fact and truth took a severe beating. People go to social media to see what their friends and the pages they follow are posting. What makes this a “post-truth” election, instead of just your average “people lying a lot about everything” election, is that folks seem entirely indifferent to the truth. Islamic terrorist organizations like al-Qaeda and ISIL (Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant) have proved quite adept at manipulating the mass media to their advantage. They use a combination of technical savvy and ancient techniques for changing minds.
In the early 19th century, Napoleon Bonaparte tightly controlled the distribution of news in France and his conquered territories. In fact, historians believe fake propoganda news may have induced the Spanish-American War of 1898. And that trend just kept going, especially once the radical socialist movements (especially fascism and Russian communism) got hold of it in the early 20th century. All this was more evolution than revolution because starting in the late 19th century a growing number of powerful propaganda methods and techniques for controlling public opinion were developed. Many of these techniques are actually ancient but never before have they been used so intensively, persistently, and in greater variety to such a large audience.
This efforts went into high gear in the 1990s because, since the 1980s there has been an unprecedented proliferation of news media. First came round-the-clock TV news that was available worldwide. As that continued to spread in the 1990s the Internet appeared and the proliferation of news outlets accelerated. While it was nice to have news round-the-clock and with the help of the Internet, from anywhere on the planet, often in real time, there were some downsides. Major problems were created by the fierce competition for audience. That led to a ruthless approach to presenting the news. It became more important to “attract eyeballs” than reporting the news accurately. Ads about products and services may be disguised to look and sound like a news story.
Black PR firms have been providing clients with both post deletion of negative news stories and also provide hit pieces. That also led to more propaganda as governments and special interest groups found that if their message were packaged the right way lies would be more convincing than the truth. Fake news is not a new problem. Everyone can lie. Fake news is just modern propaganda. The only difference is modern technology is making fake news guilt-free, open-season and licensed mendacity. History repeats itself not as farce but as click-bait. But the age of such cyber-conflict is still in its infancy.
There came to be a body of techniques that are most effective. Here they are and if you spend any time at all consuming mass media, you will find these techniques familiar.
A popular conversational gambit is not talking at all about something and it can be very useful in Information War. This selective ignorance is a favorite technique of state controlled media. Thus, in the old Soviet Union you never heard about large scale disasters, serial killers, or areas suffering from pollution. This all came out after the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991, and was demoralizing for many Russians, who always felt their police state was a better place to live in than it actually was. Governments still try to “control the message” and suppress bad news. What you don’t hear about doesn’t exist (until you become one of the victims). The Internet has made this technique much more difficult, which is why so many countries spend a lot of money to censor the Internet. If little lies don’t work try the “one-one punch”. This is where you pretend to represent two sides but one side gets a couple of great lines, the other side gets a lame line. A variation on the old “damning with faint praise” technique.
Another selective presentation technique is the use of subtle inaccuracies or a dismissive tone. This often involves misstating a topic, often a serious one, and pretending any objections or concerns about that are silly, unrealistic, or just not necessary. The current debate over climate change brings out a lot of this because many climate professionals are not in agreement with the “consensus” on just what is changing and why. This has led to more and more embarrassments for proponents as the experts eventually get enough people to take a look at the facts. Examples are the old “hockey stick” prediction of historical temperature that tried to ignore the well documented “little ice age” that lasted from the 13th to the 19th century. There were also false reports of glacial melting that did not match reality but were believed for a while because of too much propaganda and not enough facts. In the last decade a lot of people have lost faith in the “consensus,” which goes to show you that all the techniques here tend to have short shelf lives.
Selective presentation is often used in conjunction with “volume” and “coordination”. Volume is merely a deluge of the same story line everywhere, until it becomes dominant, and the media's view of it becomes the dominant view. The mass media loves this one because it can make any story “true” even if it isn’t. The mass media tend to follow each other and you will often find that all the "news" stories about a given current event seem to draw a similar conclusion about it. When you notice this, just ask yourself if it's probable that, in a nation of nearly 320 million, no one has a legitimate opposing opinion. This is why the traditional mass media does not like the Internet, where convincing facts or opinions that contradict the mass media truth can get into circulation. Police states (like China) particularly hate this.
Coordination occurs when a number of likeminded journalists all report the same angle at about the same time. This really doesn't require a conspiracy, there are so few "journalists" and they can easily see what their buddies' takes are on issues, then parrot the same line. This also occurs in any large organization (corporation, university, government bureaucracy). Some cultures are more into this than others. In Japan there is a saying that, “The nail that sticks out gets hammered down.”
If all else fails you can try fogging an issue. This is often called the total nonsense gambit. Sometimes certain groups have an interest in making sure that as few people pay attention to an issue as possible. A good propagandist can write a long, nonsensical article for the purpose of confusing the majority of readers, who themselves work hard all day. It doesn't take much for them to see a catchy headline, then begin to dig into a long rambling article, then throw their hands up and say "I don't have the extra energy to decipher this!" The reader is correct, the fault is with the propagandist. The fog is often reinforced by distracting or absurd statistics. With this technique the writer attempts to drag the reader into a debate about what the reader is even seeing. This is usually used when the propagandist is falling behind and must hurry to destroy correct understanding of events.
Some very simple techniques continue to be effective. One of these is the 2,3,4 Technique. Mentioning only one side of an issue two, three, or four times in an article, each time pretending you are about to present the opposing side but you never do. Then the article suddenly ends and the reader feels bombarded, outnumbered, and alone. Even if the opposing view is held by many people, the author need merely refuse to present that side of the argument. A variation on “2,3,4” is shock and awe. This is when the writer "attacks" the reader viciously at the very outset of the article with the "acceptable" view of the topic. The writer tries to "beat it into" the reader without any regard to other views.
Another sneaky, but basic tactic is simply framing the debate. Setting an argument around two "alternatives" which you would prefer, rather than the true alternatives. A variation on that is “token equal time”. Sometimes a weak, tiny understatement is added to a propaganda piece, apparently so the writer can pretend they had been fair. This technique is quite common, it consists of an article written with entirely one point of view, then at the end a meager statement from the opposing view is printed, it is immediately refuted, then the article either ends or continues on with the preferred point of view.
Framing the debate is often complemented by efforts to "interpret" A Statement. Have you ever seen a writer say that someone said something, then what the person said followed even though it didn't look anything like what the writer claimed was meant? Selective presentation of information by misinterpretation is as good as an outright lie. A variation on that is withholding Information. Is it the same as lying? Some in the media might not want to answer that question.
There are many other techniques, as the last century has been a golden age for this sort of duplicity. The Internet has accelerated the development of new techniques because the web tends to shorten the useful life of these media scams. Now even religious zealots and mass murderers like ISIL are using these tools to get what they want."
Mass Communication & Media Technology
"One never says a picture is true or false. It either captures your attention or it doesn’t."
Visual stimulus has a hypnotic power to demand the observer’s attention, as they say “One picture worth’s more than thousands of words”. The integration of sound and moving images can reorganise space, time and narrative. In visual media, violence is shown and is seen as a means of resolving problems, and reaching goals. This causes desensitisation and stimulation, especially on the immature minds. Characters that are likely to be imitated are shown not to take responsibility for their actions but are repeatedly recognized as heroes, due to the gaining of respect and numerous other rewards through their actions. This distorts people’s understandings of our society, and moral values as fantasy is presented as if it’s the real thing.
Although media technology was first exploited by the fascist totalitarians, however later, the state, military and corporates all began influencing their societies by spinning the truth and distorted reality. The only difference is that the state favoured concentrated mass viewing whereas the corporates favoured private diffused viewing as it encourages buying more objects. Today because of this commercialization by the corporates through media technologies, our world is filled ‘magical’ seducing objects that symbolises Ideas that have been distorted (partially highlighted and partially hidden) to design a fantasy. The actual use value becomes taken for granted after such remaking of the observer’s perception and habits.
Human beings have a need to show that they have achieved happiness. The concept of happiness has been misrepresented by using media technology. It created a deep need to have visual proof for existence of happiness in our lives. In our modern societies, happiness is measured by buying fantastical tools (objects). The fantasy is introduced to us and reality is hidden from us by using media technologies so that everyone in the society is transformed into a potential customer. The reason for spectacle in the modern society is because of this flawed understanding of how we choose to represent our intrinsic need for happiness. This is why we fetishize newer objects that we don’t even need.
Human beings are naturally adept at organising into permanent groups, exchanging of ideas with each other and having enduring self-expressions. The desire for self-expression and the obvious appreciation for beauty and aesthetics led to cultural innovations such as art, literature and music. Communication is our basic need and mass communication has become the scepter of human communication. Whether we accept it or not, it's a fact that our world is a materialistic world and we have materialistic desires. Without the desire to buy, we would cease to be human. Trade and commodities have a direct link with our the quality of our life, not only for physical comfort but also how we perceive ourselves (identity). Capitalism is about trading of the fact that you are getting a good deal (bargain). Both the parties think they have exploited each other if they have a narrow mentality. The issue is not with trade but how we trade with each other, that needs reform and re-contextualizing. Trade works on demand. A demand that's driven by price, peer-pressure (trends), and manipulation of information (communication). The story so far has been about reducing cost and increasing profits. It's about the idea of this narrow profit, and how you look at it. When it's all about perception, then the ones who have the power to influence is the leader. Its open to manipulation. We are yet to respond to this challenge.
Mass media and within that television has played and big role in how we perceive our world. It has the power to influence the society, our behaviour pattern, by injecting a collective memory. The objective of visual media is to sell, and sell things that we don't need to buy. It uses the fact that we use materials to show our identity and sensibilities. It creates identities in products (or rather product brands). It gives objects a new context in our life which makes it more meaningful. Thus an object of decoration becomes an important meaning that defines the identity of a society. Mass Media builds an emotional relationship with the viewers. It transforms itself from mere functional objects to something that's magical in the sense that it can affect how you feel or think of yourself. These invisible attributes are important.
Films also serve as a visual anthropology. In the West, during the era of rapid industrialization, new technological innovations and fast changing social order, our natural reactions like anxieties, trauma and fears gets expressed though human imagination, as in it takes the form of popular media. For example, films about man-made machines or monsters becoming more powerful than humans like 'Frankenstein', 'Metropolis' and Charlie Chaplin's 'Modern Times' to name a few.
The rise of the developing world, is responsible due to the diverse, large middle-class society but they are facing a flux of contradictions and counter-contradictions. This is about influencing (colonising) your choices through all kinds of propagandas and of that the use of coded mass media (communication) are in the frontlines. Ads uses the fact that we use materials to show our identity and sensibilities by communicating a meaning (through association) to build an emotional connection (personalization). It has the power to influence the society, our behaviour pattern, by injecting a collective memory. Advertising uses fetishism so that consumers can sustain their private fantasies (due to injected or inherit complexes/fears/disturbances, for example the desire to be alpha male or superwomen) that they have liked with the identity of the product. (It's not uncommon, in a world of rapid industrialization, new technological innovations and fast changing social order, our natural reactions like anxieties, trauma and fears) A lot of money is spent on advertising & public relation management because they know, brand 'image is everything'.
Every Adman knows how objects in relation with other objects, their interactions, give meaning and add qualities to the objects that didn't exist. It is a way to communicate like language but more powerful as the meaning and the object becomes one. Deliberate manipulation to associate meaning, adding a fantastical element and desirability, making it more attractive.
The visual culture of the modern society is about ‘spectacle’. Spectacle itself is not a single concept; instead it holds different meanings depending on the time period and geographical location. But spectacle became identifiable during the Modern period, when commercialization, mass media and globalisation altered how societies spent their everyday lives, how they spent their leisure time and expressed themselves. A new and expanding class, the working middle class, emerged as societies exploited internal labour and external raw materials. This new class began fundamentally re-shaping their societies, challenging the exclusiveness of the past fixed order.
Media affects us both consciously and subconsciously. Mass media has been calculatingly used as a powerful propaganda tool in managing and swaying human behaviour, standardizing perception, creating a collective memory, discouraging reflection, since its early inception. Television and print based news, due primarily to their fixation with crime and violence arguably has a pessimistic impact upon our societal behaviour. Newspapers can be very biased about a story and current event are not always impartial. Writers have the gift to blend their bias in their work by using statistics and crowd counts, word choice and tone, and through omission. They do not inform the audience of the entire truth by omitting the less interesting parts and tend to emphasise on the dramatic, generally violent stories and images to capture and sustain its audience, under the facade of keeping us informed. The news can be described as being an oxymoron; giving us the skin of the truth stuffed with lies.
If you pay attention to the darkness, you will never find the light.
Thinking is difficult, that's why most people judge. - Carl Gustav Jung
Children who were made to feel unlovable can carry that pain throughout their lives, and into every relationship. They grow up sometimes talking about feeling that they are “fooling people” and express fear that they’ll be “found out” when they enjoy success in the world. The maternal voice in their head will continue to undermine them, telling them that they aren't—smart, beautiful, kind, loving, worthy.
They are armored and detached, perhaps defensively or they become “pleasers” in adult relationships, not being able to say ‘no’ wanting a relationship so intense that the other person backs off. Alas, both types aren’t able to get the kind of emotional connection. They are afraid of intimacy on all levels; they are intensely vulnerable, and tend to be clingy and dependent. They oversensitive (about things real and imagined), overthinking everything and make avoidance the default position.
Maybe your mother was flawless, but it's more likely she made mistakes. Whatever her errors, you inherited a legacy of sorrow. You can and should find a way to heal what is call the "mother wound." it can be feeling of unloved, needy, stupid and helpless. If none of these feelings are familiar to you, it's a sure sign that you've been very well mothered.
We expect the world of them, and we do not wish to lower our expectations. We want our parents to embrace us, to tell us they know we were good children, to take back their hurtful criticisms, to give us their praise, to undo the favouritism they've shown to a brother or sister. Once you're feeling that pain or emotion, try and connect it to your past to uncover where that pattern of pain began. Now you need to forgive your parents and let them in again. Strange as it may seem, a grudge is a kind of clinging, a way of not separating, and when we hold a grudge against a parent, we are clinging not just to the parent, but more specifically to the bad part of the parent. It is important to separate from our parent—which is to stop seeing ourselves as children who depend on them for our emotional well-being, to stop being their victims, to recognize that we are adults with some capacity to shape our own lives and the responsibility to do so.
Along the way, we may have to express our protest, we may have to be angry and resentful, we may even have to punish our parents by holding a grudge. But when we get there, the forgiveness we achieve will be a forgiveness worth having.
My favourite strategy for this is to find another mother (not my girlfriend but divide it among my trusted friends--- i call them my support base system). a perfect mother is anyone who makes you feel nourished by making me feel accepted as I am; who is willing to explains so that i can understand & learn from by following their example; empowers me with courage, confidence and independence.
Along with eating the right food and getting enough exercise, meditation is a powerful way to bring well-being and stress-free life. Writing can be very therapeutic and doesn't need to be shared with anyone to have powerful effects. If you're feeling upset, nothing beats walking away. Identify stress triggers, organise yourself, get proper sleep and learn to say NO. The key to handling your stress and your bodies' reaction to stress is self-management and mini-relaxations. A few minutes of alone time can save your sanity. Use it when your attention is scattered. It will bring you back to a calm state and allow your brain to function normally.
Even the ordinary activities of daily life can be times of meditation when you free yourself from the strictures of habit and the tendency to be only half-alive. Sometimes you will tap into a wellspring of peace. Other times you might feel waves of sleepiness, boredom, anxiety, anger or sadness. Images may arise, old songs might replay, long-buried memories can surface. If your mind wanders, don't be concerned. we can be flooded with memories, plans or random thinking. It's important not to blame yourself. Notice that you don't invite your thoughts. Thoughts come and go without our volition, but we don't have to be ruled by them.
Success in meditation is measured not in terms of whatever may be happening, but rather how we are relating to what is happening. If you feel overwhelmed by thoughts or feelings, use awareness of your breath to anchor your attention to your body. Notice whatever has captured your attention, then let go of the thought or feeling, and return to the awareness of the breath. In this way, meditation teaches us gentleness and an ability to forgive our mistakes in life and to go on.
SSB, this Psychological test at Glance: Screening
1. Verbal / Non – Verbal:
Give your first response timely.
Attempt all Questions
2. Picture Perception Test:
See the picture in detail
Read questions asked carefully – No. of People, their moods etc.
3. Thematic Apperception Test:
Create a Hero and his Team.
The Hero to face some difficult task / problem and should have solutions and alternatives
Bring Officer Like Qualities in Hero
Maximum use of Resources that are available
No Negative story
It is your personality that is being reflected through Hero.
4. Word Association Test:
Do not write negative sentences
Avoid use of “I”
No idioms or Phrases
5. About Yourself
Precise to the point
Parents – Consult you in important family decisions
Love Affection / Regards
Teachers – Teachers give responsibilities for important work
Friends – Trust in You and should share their secrets
Strength – Academics (eg sports, co-curricular activities)
Weakness - general weakness not involving moral values
6. Situation Reaction Test: Be natural and give your natural answers.
No Negative Answers should be there.
If you know your evolutionary sciences than you know there is no escaping the fact that natural sensual pleasure is united with life sustaining needs. it is important to understand that children have to grow and develop in many different areas in order to become healthy, happy, productive members of adult society. There are four main areas or channels in which children grow: physical, psychological and cognitive, social and emotional, and sexuality and gender identity.
Sexual experiences with the other sex are common during childhood. Children often kiss, touch and play doctor. Sexual contacts with the same sex are more common than opposite sex contacts. Like adults, children appear to have sexual thoughts. Sexual aggressiveness consists of the desire to master another by force rather than by wooing. The predominant sensual impulses of a child is "to see and show nudity." This stage is exhibitionistic and voyeuristic in nature. Such pleasure may not seem so surprising if one realizes that cruelty is a primitive vestige that remains in the human sexual instinct.
If influences (molesters, heroes and heroines in today's movies, perverts, indecent phone callers, etc) overexpose a child about seduction, it can cause the child to linger in these early sensual stages and an arrest in further sexual growth may even occur. when that happens and sexual growth ceases, then "seeing and showing" becomes the main sexual aim. when a child gets to watch people mate (whether supervised or not), the sex act is invariably regarded as a sadistic subjugation--an abuse--of the female. in later life an excessive amount of sadism and masochism may be relied upon to express their sexuality. a girl child may grow up to become a nymphomaniac where the sex act is merely a compulsive urge to repeat her early seductions. it is also early characteristics of the psychopath, which is an individual who has no concern for anyone but himself (considerate only till it serves some purpose for him).
Television (contrary to what people expect) generally doesn't informs the audience of the entire truth by omitting the less interesting parts and tend to emphasise on the dramatic, generally violent stories and images to capture and sustain its audience, under the facade of keeping us informed. Children’s programmes especially have a tendency to amplify stereotypes, presenting "goodies" and "baddies”. The confirmation of these stereotypes may make children feel more comfortable. But mass media itself also present an enhancing common stereotyped (read oversimplified and highly generalized) picture of life, which can often lead to undesirable prejudices within not just national, but international, society. Mainly considering the consumer habits of the public, advertising is probably one of the most influential items about Mass Media. Advertisements play on our vulnerabilities and encourage us to buy products we don't really need.
In pre-adolescent, the dormant sexual energies in the child do not disappear but are redirected by the mind and are used to serve other purposes. For example, during latency, some redirected sexual energy is used for acquiring knowledge. This is why at this age a child is most educable. there is also the strengthening of mental barriers that control raw instinctual perverse sexual urges or impulses like shame, disgust, morality, aesthetics and so on. but the most important achievement of all is the development of the capacity for compassion.
Puberty is the result of sex hormones developed by the body, and these hormones affect the development of organs like the breasts or the penis. Those hormones are also acting on the brain and causing the beginnings of sexual desires that the child will not have experienced earlier, at least not in that same way. Freud believed in the pursuit of satisfying these sexual urges, the child may experience failure or reprimands from its parents or society and may thus come to associate anxiety with that particular source of the libidinal drive. this turns to fixation and it persists into adulthood and underlies the personality structure and psychopathology, including neurosis, hysteria and personality disorders.
Adolescent masturbation is a central issue in both normal psychic development and pathogenesis. Most infants probably explore and fondle their own genitals. Not goal-directed or systematic play in the same casual way that they do with their ears, noses, fingers and toes. As a child grows older, masturbation to orgasm becomes more and more likely. Most have the biological capacity to derive pleasure from self-stimulation. a child who feels punished for sexual exploration while growing up generally begins to associate negative feelings with sex.
The erotic feelings and behaviour of adolescent girls follows a much different course and not centred in the genitalia which is the case for adolescent boys. They found that students, especially girls, who were verbally abused by teachers or rejected by their peers, were more likely than other students to engage in sex by the end of class 7. A girl may look and behave like a woman but she is not quiet emotionally ready as an adult is expected to be.
A teenage girl's eroticism may be as intense as the boy's but involve fantasies and dreams involving kisses and caresses, the wish to love and to be loved and sometimes thoughts of having a child. Some sex therapists believe that girls who do not masturbate miss an important step in their sexual development, since masturbation provides an opportunity to learn how one's body responds to erotic stimulation. however, intrusions of others into their sexual life arouse intense feelings of shame and resentment because human sexuality is that sex is an intimate affair.
Teens are smart and know how to outwit parents. Some teen girls are turning to the unthinkable to express their hurt and frustration with the issues they face. they are cutting themselves for two reasons: to outwardly express how badly they are feeling on the inside, and to re-direct the pain of the self-hate they are feeling. And it's not that they are just "angry teenagers" like some parents may think.
Today most of what we learn about sex, crime and violence comes from mainstream media and porn. it negatively affects the public both consciously and subconsciously. In visual media, violence is shown and is seen as a means of resolving problems, and reaching goals. This causes desensitisation and stimulation, especially on the immature minds. Characters that are likely to be imitated are shown not to take responsibility for their actions but are repeatedly recognized as heroes, due to the gaining of respect and numerous other rewards through their actions. This distorts people’s understandings of our society, and moral values as fantasy is presented as if it’s the real thing.
Now when there is an over tolerance or acceptance of the belief that orgasm achieved by any means is beneficial, it can lead young people into becoming polymorphous perverts--that is, mechanical robots capable of engaging in any kind of sex act with indifference and without guilt. These are the characteristics of people who are prostitutes and pimps.
We are trained that young men are knights and young women are virginal maidens, and even after marriage that formula, in a sense, continues: Men must get dirty in battle, women must stay pure at home. females are told from birth that recreational sex is wrong. When they get older, they are told it is for procreation. When they are seroconvert they are told that they are carriers of virus and should abstain. All throughout, they are convinced to how, when, and with whom we should be engaging in sex. Women throughout the ages have been punished for exhibiting their sexuality, while at the same time, ionized as sex-symbols. they have been treated, and taught to see themselves, as victims of male prowess. they are taught to look at their sexual behaviour as submission to, rather than desire for, sex. It is much easier to see yourself as victims rather than participants. imagine the idea that a woman may be a healthy, sexually active person living with HIV disease is an anachronism. It is unfathomable. By the mere fact of her having this sexually transmitted disease, she is seen as "dirty" and/or "dangerous".
There is no right or wrong reason to have sex if both parties are willingly engaging in the act. Adults have sex for a myriad of reasons. Sometimes it is out of anger. Sometimes it is to win someone's love or attention. Sometimes it's just to get off, and, of course, sometimes it is to procreate. Sometimes we "think with our dicks" (or, in a woman's case, clits).
There is no perfect age boundary is these things but after a point we become the person who we are for the rest of our lives. as we age we rarely tend to change. there is also no changing human nature but we can learn. we have a brain capable of compassion and conscience. it is a highly complex organ and has a processing capacity of 0.1 quadrillion instructions per second (the fastest super computer in the world is capable of handling only 1.026 quadrillion calculations per second). There are about 100 billion neurons in the human brain, the same number of stars in our galaxy. True, there are some who are born with superior intellectual abilities, but it doesn't mean that the rest of the human population cannot develop or awaken one's brain potential. Superior brain power does not depend on one's brain structure, inheritance of intellect from parents, or more. Rather, it is on learning how to tap your brain's unlimited potential and capabilities into activation or dormancy. For human sexuality to be complete there must be a confluence, a coming together, of the affectionate and physical components of the sexual instinct. When the affectionate needs are weakened and physical sex is all that remains which is unhealthy for any human. A proper sexual maturation and development of conscience, makes invaluable contributions to the individual and his civilization.
(note: TOUGH-LOVE = being compassionately, consistently, unambiguously, passively strongly to hold your ground in a way that compels him or her to take responsibility for his actions and make changes in behaviour. used for indifference, outright defiance, self-harming behaviours, blatant dishonesty and criminal behaviour.)
In an abusive family everyone loses to some degree the ability to decide one's own thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Emotional abuse is usually more psychologically damaging than physical abuse. also seeing a parent abused is child abuse. in most cases the abusers, victims and children lack genuine self-esteem. abusers addicted to blaming think that they are merely reacting to everybody else. TOUGH-LOVE demands are likely to be the only way to help stop abusing behaviour that is making him lose his compassion and conscience. abusers from the time they were young children, they've had a more or less constant sense of dread that things will go badly and they will fail to cope. So they try to control their environment to avoid that terrible feeling of failure and inadequacy. But the cause of their anxiety is with them, not in their environment.
Not all emotional abuse takes the form of shouting or criticism. More common forms of emotional abuse are "stonewalling" and "disengaging." They can break your spirit, cripple your confidence, even make you physically ill. They do not overtly put you down but stonewalls instead and would just not try. Nevertheless, they punishes you for disagreeing by refusing to even think about your perspective and making you feel like you don't count. "Do whatever you want, just leave me alone." He might refuse to discuss your upset feelings by saying, "You're just trying to start an argument!" or claiming he has no idea what you're talking about.
Whether overt or silent, all forms of abuse are failures of compassion. It actually would be less hurtful if the abuser never cared about how you felt. But suddenly a person switches on and then it feels like betrayal when a person doesn't care or try to understand. You sometimes think, "What's wrong with me? An abuser needs to see you as his perfect mate, an extension of himself so he puts you in a pedestal and then spontaneously separates the real you into his worst enemy when he needs to hate you. Most abusers feel guilt and remorse, at least in the first years of the abuse. Far from encouraging signs, guilt and remorse can actually lead to more abuse.
Now you can begin to understand even stuff like why sisters fight, why some women prefer to work for men rather than for women, and other highly subjective cases of woman/woman cruelty. what's the reason for mothers stymie daughters, biological sisters competing with each other, girlfriends gossip maliciously, women bosses exert arbitrary and capricious authority, backstabbing by feminist colleagues, sadistic gynaecologists, battering lesbians. today we understand that the "enemy," or the "cause" of female suffering and subjugation is no longer definable in terms of the "Other" gender, and its masculine tyranny or patriarchal destructiveness, but potentially lurks within the bounded bonds of every woman's interpersonal experience with other women. despite huge gains in public visibility, female power has been hampered by a rarely acknowledged reality: women often betray, hurt, and humiliate one another. This is not about men vs. women or women vs. women: It's about people learning to be fair. it’s not about a bossy women being "Penis Envy" or a sensitive man being "Womb Envy". Prejudice must first be acknowledged before it can be resisted or overcome. More than men, women depend upon one another for emotional intimacy and bonding, and exclusionary and sexist behaviour enforces female conformity and discourages independence and psychological growth.
Unlike love which masks the differences between people, compassion makes us sensitive to the individual strengths and vulnerabilities of other people. It lets us appreciate our differences. The most dangerous aspect of abuse is not the nervous reactions like shouting, name-calling, criticism or other demeaning behaviour; but in how you react to it.
In toxic situations you need to get out... especially when you have after years of abuse— are left with without an income or job skills, no place to go (having been isolated from family and friends), and terrified of a husband who could use his means to get custody of the kids. find a way to get yourself and the child out and far away.
when the other person is not in love with you. it’s time to leave. You'll be hurt, you'll feel broken-hearted, but you'll be better off in the long run.
You need to leave also when a relationship feels scary, cold, or flat-out unfriendly—and you're staying because you dream it will change or because "it's better than being alone." it will turn destructive. it’s time to leave. Your best decision will come from looking as deeply into yourself as you do the relationship. you're either unwilling or unable to do what is necessary to improve things, or if your efforts are insufficient and he's not able to make up the difference. By staying, once you've decided the relationship is really over, means being buried alive. Face your decision with courage, kindness, and a galloping leap of faith.
It's the conflict between parents, not the actual divorce, that puts children at risk. they are going to feel insecure and unsafe, maybe even think they are to blame but it's a major red flag when children are afraid to express affection towards one parent in front of the other. Let your kids know adults make mistakes, what you have done wrong, whether in your marriage, or in dealing with the divorce, and make a new commitment to them. Not talking to your kids about your divorce can cause them to suppress their emotions and shut down emotionally. On average, they expect failure in their lives. Some experience a strong fear of change. on the positive side they strongly value love, marriage and parenthood, despite being wary of commitment and turn remarkably compassionate and attuned to others' feelings (specially for their siblings).
Yet even after divorce children can still have the very best that both parents have to offer. each parent has to learn both discipline and emotional understanding—responsibilities they likely once split-up. The blame game will crush kids. When you say things like, "It would be nice if your dad attended an occasional school function," the hurt can run just as deep as name-calling. Kids don't make the distinction.
Twice as many women suffer from depression as men. Men and women are equally likely to develop it. Its sufferers endure cycles of devastating lows and euphoric and compulsive highs. People with bipolar disorder have three times the alcohol and drug abuse rate. The mania, or the highs, can lead to destructive, extreme and reckless behaviour including violence, aggression, compulsive shopping and/or sexual promiscuity. The irrational highs are followed by periods of deep, paralyzing depression. Many bipolar people commit suicide.
In many ways, your enemies can teach you much more than your friends. You can't have control over what happens to you in this moment, but you do have control over your response to it, and over the context in which you put it. There is no tragedy in life, and there are no victims. In this consideration lies your own empowerment. The only way out is to take responsibility, open your heart and Conquer Your Fears. We all have an internal conversation with ourselves. Don't tell yourself that you have lost your mind and don't think you have been humiliated. Spend more time focusing on what you can do. Do not isolate yourself. Talk to people—talking is the most healing thing you can do. Sometimes the relationship you need to rescue is the one with yourself. You have to be your own friend first. Find things to do that feel rewarding or refreshing. Give yourself permission to express your anger, your sadness—whatever emotions you may be experiencing. Grief is a process to go through, not a destination in which to wallow. In a process, you keep putting one foot in front of the other. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months... each little step is part of the process of healing your heart.
There's nothing like having good friends— people who knows you better than anyone else. Somehow, though, with the demands of our daily lives even the best of friends lose touch. People change over time, so keep an open mind. Rebuild the trust and have fun. The hardest part: pick up the phone! Everything will come naturally after that courageous move.
Since friendships require an investment of time and energy, you'll want to choose the people you spend time with wisely. asking yourself the following questions to find out if a relationship is toxic or not:
Infidelity is about how a person feels about himself. The affair is like a vanity mirror, because they love how it makes them feel; and the marriage is like a makeup mirror where all their flaws are shown, and they feel they can't be who they want to be. After being married for many years, many women find that they just aren't sexually attracted to their husbands anymore. Some of these women, suffering from both low desire and sexual response difficulties, consider infidelity to determine if the blame lies in their partner or in themselves. It is unlikely that having an affair will help you find the answers you seek. people don't plan to be unfaithful. It's only after they get into a relationship and their needs aren't being met—they don't feel accepted—that they search to fill the void. Most people who have affairs are living an emotional divorce and just haven't filled out the paperwork yet. They become desperate, bitter. people change, and their needs change perhaps that explains your lack of interest in reconnecting with your first love. love can die.
Abusers can recover with courage id they build a conditioned response to help them automatically convert anxiety, resentment, and anger into compassion. In other words, compassion will once again become their natural response to the distress of loved ones, like it was when they were young children, and, in most cases, like it was when they first got married. Then by habit, the recovering abuser will begin to see his anxiety, resentment, and anger as a kind of "gas gauge" telling him that his core value is on empty, and he needs to fill it up by increasing his value and respect for his wife and children. Most important, the recovering abuser must be especially compassionate to his wife's post-traumatic stress reactions. Now that she feels safer and more confident, a lot of anger and anxiety about past abuse will begin to surface at unpredictable times. The recovering abuser must understand that his wife will not be able to trust him completely for a long time, no matter how much she tries. Love and compassion are unconditional, but trust, once it is betrayed by abuse, has to be earned, gradually and slowly. Recovery from abuse is never a 50-50 deal; the former abuser has to do at least 90 percent of the work.
Perfectionism doesn't seem like such a big problem. But in practice it is serious. You’d think that making everything perfect would be wonderful for your business and the rest of your life. But it doesn't work out that way. We are all guilty of procrastination in some shape or form, at one time or another, but some of us more than others.
Perfectionists' lives are often structured by an endless list of "shoulds" that serve as rigid rules for how their lives must be led. With such an overemphasis on shoulds, perfectionists rarely take into account their own wants and desires. If you have reached the third “P,” drastic steps are needed. Seriously consider getting help from a peer who can be a “buddy,” the counselling centre, your advisor. Ask them to keep you accountable. This works like a gym buddy.
Perfectionism, can be incredibly stressful. It puts you in a state of constant worry that you’re on the brink of failure. You generate a disproportionate amount of stress for a small amount of value. It also tends to push you past your energy reserves and into exhaustion. Not all perfectionists procrastinate but perfectionism is very often used as an excuse for fear of failure. Perfectionists may give up completely on their goals and set different goals thinking, "This time if only I try harder I will succeed." Such thinking sets the entire cycle in motion again.
Perfection is a self-imposed requirement. Perfectionists often equate failure to achieve their goals with a lack of personal worth or value. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to protect themselves from criticism, rejection, disapproval even afraid of success. Success will bring changes. It will bring scrutiny and that might expose the “man behind the curtain.” You wonder if you’ll be able to live up to the success and maintain it. You may have even convinced yourself that you can’t. The only reason this strategy makes sense is if you’re convinced that you’re never going to get any better at what you do, leaving this minor polishing at the margins all that’s left in your control.
Be grateful for every milestone you reach and acknowledge that its pretty cool. Thanks everyone who helped you along the way.
Put things in perspective. Keep Learning and NOT dwell in the past. Realise everyone is bond to make mistakes but what is important is what you do after. Embrace failures – they are the best teacher. Mentors can guide you but you are the one who experience and feel it.
"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once." ~ Author Unknown
"Catastrophic thoughts lead to fear, which leads to avoidance, which leads to more catastrophic thoughts"
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