"Let us leave pretty women to men with no imagination." ~ Marcel Proust
"Humans fear making the wrong choice more than they fear not making any choice at all, and with so many more alternative potential mates to choose from, people appear to be more reluctant to make that commitment. Instead, they keep on searching for an unreachable perfection. What we need to realise is that perfection is not love."
Sometimes we act out our calculated plans; others respond to the situation out of excitement, or out of the inability to deal with their uncertainty or negative self-talk. They come out looking to enter the life which would be otherwise inaccessible.
But there is more underneath this simple fact. Does fate control our lives or do we shape our destiny? Are we 'programmed' by our genes or our environment makes us who we are? My reply always is- isn't it both? Our world is overcrowded and we are lonely but we all are hopeful and feel depressed living like islands. We all hope to find love. We all imagine love. Life still can throws good surprises if you keep your mind open.
"We often choose somebody who seems to be able to heal the wounds we received in childhood. Somewhere deep inside, you keep images of people who played a part in your formative years, in making you who you are today. These are images of parents and relatives that left their mark on your destiny. These images are often a mixture of reality and childhood imagination. We associate these images with love — the love which we received and understood when we were children. When a random person we meet somehow coincides with those images and wakes these dormant memories of our earliest and most dear relationships, we cannot simply pass them by or remain indifferent. We are intrigued, excited and very soon it’s likely that we will fall in love."
However, while trying to fulfill our evolutionary purpose, we have clearly demonstrated our inherent capacity of mindlessness because of following our 'instincts' blindly. To survive this chaotic universe, people are in denial, pretend they are in control, short-sell anyone, we all justify what we do and are hard-wired to get obsessed with mindless thrills. Without being righteous the truth is people effortlessly time their bait manoeuvres, manipulate needs and play on fantasies. But note that the meanest and most brutal "super-specialized" beasts the world has seen have all died out, or rather evolved into, birds – from majestic falcon to the chicken sent to the tandoor. So maybe, to be brutally mean is not the smartest thing to be. The worst thing you can do is to turn negative because you were wronged.
I would like to stress again that it's important to understand that unlike anything else in the known universe we are the only beings who turn hopeful even when it seems that all our chips are down. And then we have our greatest gift- the capacity for compassion. So the question really is- can we hope to find "love" in a relationship? Relationships are interplay of power, desire and vulnerability so there is always a tension which often throws up inner demons and past baggage after you had just managed to balanced everything. It's not difficult to understand why, in generally, everyone being so aware of the devastating consequences of failure, are afraid to build and trust anything. The 'terms and conditions' are brought out at the first instance... weirdly believing that they can dunk the ugly blame game when things goes south; as if using the phrases - "I told you so, you can't blame me"; "you knew what you were getting into" etc, helps anyone. I get the logic but I am not convinced that I should trust a person who is hard selling the fact that he/she is honest. We know there are no guarantees that are secure enough so how do we belief in love that will last a lifetime?
Needless to add that each and every type of risks cannot be reduced and there is no single blanket style. You just have to discover yours. My understanding is that positive relationships simply need quality time, (of-course money; as the saying goes: “you can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories") and, more importantly, an understanding of the basics, so that the avoidable risks can be reduced.