There are times when we live without life. These are times
when we all hit an all time low and feel helpless. We feel all is lost
and become so vulnerable. Everything blurs out of focus and
disappointment, because our failures, sinks its teeth into our minds.
You just want to look for any distractions and float away.
We are young men and women
looking for what can inspire us. Our energetic youth is
searching for a cause that we can believe in. We hope to fill our
lonely pauses and try to be graceful but keep fumbling, awkwardly
between adolescence and adulthood. We find our momentary
nirvana or resonance between the restless demands of the body and
the silent yearning of the soul.
Everyone is sad when something comes to its end. Some people cry and then feel better. I don't want us to end but make a new beginning. I'll always think good of you where ever I am. Everything that has a beginning also has an end. That's the cycle of life, so don't feel one bit sad. You will be just fine, with or without me; and the same for me too. So don't try to hold on. You shouldn't hold on. I love you and I always will. Please don't make this harder than it is for yourself. I can't bear the thought that, you keep thinking of me and are feeling sad. You are a good person and good things will happen to you. But don't expect life to be fair. We know it isn't. I am here, for now, listening to you .... far away in body but not in my heart.
... and about the conversation we had yesterday, my sincere concern was "you would run away from situations rather than confronting them". It was not about getting worried about our future together. As to how I would get in touch with you, if it was urgent, when you switch off your phone. I thought about it, and as I too received my first mobile phone only recently, so I think I too would have argued the same way as you did. You know I have never come across any of my friends who have lived most of their lives away from family, in hostels, except for two and they are both very very different. Nothing like you and that is what I like, though, when it educates me for the very first time, I get all jittery making my own assumptions about the future.
I am loving the fact that I am learning about you; and yes, loving you every time I know you even better. I also love you more when I tell my friends about the new beginning in my life. I am sorry that I am harsh with you, I have never mastered how to talk politely as well as you have, and hence I am very blunt and don't manage to use my words carefully.
Hope you accept every word I have written with sincerity, from the depths of my heart.
I make a strong distinction between the problem and the person. No matter how many times I turn inside out and relinquish the sanctity in my life, you seem to have no EMPATHY for me. Mutual respect is important to me. Without EMPATHY for each other, there can be future for love. I don't want to create ill-logical expectations, about our future. We cannot have expections that make the other person feel stupid and helpless. I only hope we can both find the courage to follow what we want from each other.
Attraction and friendship are like bricks in a foundation. We must fill up this trust gap that's between us, and give it time, before we can build over it. Otherwise, the foundation will be weak and unable to carry the stress on it and crumble.
I cannot stop to think how incredible you are. I am very sorry to have put you through all this. I know my sorry means nothing if I am not going to be able to make it up to you, and you who have been so understanding. I see a divine grace in your life.
I have failed you and lost that which held us together. GOD HELP ME. GOD HELP US. I am devastated too. I am trying to read up and seek some understanding for my state of mind. Give me some time please. I respect you and I promise this would not take long. I don't know how to tell you how grateful I am for you. I have really put you through a lot of tests and you have shone every time.
It is true, I am feeling unsettled, when it comes to the reality of marriage. I wonder what my plan? I can't keep feeling like this. I thought this feeling of being afraid will pass, and its something everyone goes through it. But, baby, its been eating me, that's why I had to tell you about it yesterday. You have to also know that you are one of the most liberal and respectful person I have met. Hats off to you for that!!!
I like you a lot, many many things about you, you for being you, so real and comforting with your actions and especially with your words. I have learnt so much from you, in this short time. There is nothing to complain about you, except when you go inside your shell, which I am getting used to. My heart goes out to you.
God bless you
Its rare to fall in love. Protect it like a living thing, specially from the devil in your head. Fight to keep that light glowing. It's worth the work. If love gets burned out or gets soaked with sadness, than there is nothing anyone can do anymore but to move on. Things will get easier with each passing day.
I understand and know why you do it. If you can't find worth in self than you cannot give love. However, I don't want to go dark in my mind. I need time to be with people who are kind to me. We both are better than this. It's all going to work out for the best in the end.
I have been blessed with the best. You used to say it, but I strongly feel it now and no one can take that away from me.
There has been no one as precious as you, this is something I have never said to anyone all my life.
I miss you a lot but I have to let you go. You deserve better than this.
God bless, love, strength and unity to follow your dreams.
P.S. I hope we can speak again. If you need any assistance or help, I will willingly try my best to do it.
You can say its destiny but deep down there is a straight-forward answer that deep down we realise that we are not right companions for each other. This is the heavy burden which I cannot wish away.
We both need our space and do our own thing (That's why I thought that you and I were similar). I don't want to be depended, nor do I want you to cling on me. Only you can rescue yourself.
I am not angry anymore that you pushed me so hard just to see the relationship and particularly, me to fail. That broke my heart, I felt ugly and unworthy. I was devastated.
I do know where I am not appreciated. The joy in our relationship has evaporated. You don't share my dreams. I know now, that my issues make me someone, who will not fit with all types.
I was trying to figure out ways of living with someone (in this case 'you') and dealing with your mental health, while I don't loose mine. And I wondered, how to go about it. I am really scared, anything I say, may have repercussions on your healing. I know that your childhood has a big impact on your current life, I really hope you overcome it and don't feel so burdened about it.
After almost three months of contemplation, I realised it was our conditions put together (my physical and your mental) that was going to be a tough task to handle; not only for me but for you as well. As much as I want it, there are forces stopping me. It's like a wise and experienced sage telling me to stop going ahead.
I am desperately searching for stability in terms of finding my place. I feel quite aimless. I feel something I have never felt ever before in my life. I am struggling to control my bad thoughts. I can only imagine how much more difficult, it must have been for you.
I try hard to figure out why. I don't see any light, the answers too are hidden.
I really don't know what to say. You continue to be in my prayers.